I am currently reading The Hope by Andrew Harvey. I am reading it because I an 80 other people are having dinner with him in a week or so as part of a workshop he is here for.
I am surprised how this work speaks to me. In the short time I have been reading his material I have already gained something which far exceeds the price of the book, ways to uncover more of my best self.
In the first Chapter Mr. Harvey makes eleven suggestions that allow each of us to awaken to our highest and best versions of ourselves. The first three are to Write down one thing that has made you feel grateful to be alive today, to write off the top of your “heart” ten things you would say are sacred to you, and a third to think of someone whom has betrayed or hurt you and make a commitment to work on forgiving them.
And while I have done much gratitude work before this, no one had asked me to state what has made me grateful to be alive. Normally it is simply what are you grateful for? The intensity of the question when phrased in the context of what am I grateful to be alive for adds so much potency and self- realization. Truly asking me to know myself at a deeper level, and given that this is a daily exercise, just think of the possibilities to discover more of who I really am. And what joy in discovering more of what truly feeds me, such a mutual blessing. Not only does my attitude improve and my life for what I focus on I create more of, but the depths of my truth are shown to me with each honest answer. So, I ask you what makes you grateful to be alive today. What is your gold nugget? Are you living it?
Interestingly enough, I can remember back well over a decade ago, when I despised uncovering my beliefs, so much gunk was there, so much pain, so much judgment, and now I can’t wait to discover more of who I really am, both the shadow and the light. I know that on the backside of pain are joy and a more satisfying life. For those of you unfamiliar with the terminology shadow, it is used in a psychological context to describe those largely dark parts of ourselves we are momentarily blind to. Life is grounded in duality.
In moving to the forgiveness exercise Mr. Harvey asks us to see our betrayer as happy, surrounded by well wishes, then quietly makes the point to move us towards a willingness of letting go of our resentment by recognizing how miserable a person must be to cause pain and agony for others, how lost and misdirected; that when others choose to inflict pain on another there is almost always a story of personal pain or fear they are living. Byron Katie states it as they believe their mind, and then offers four very powerful steps to allow us to come to terms with the hurt and live a more joy filled life.
In my opinion sometimes not facing our shadow or pain is acted out through denial. So rather than feel we deny, denial is a very powerful force. Yet, if I don’t feel I cannot cross over to the other side to find the gold nugget waiting to reward my efforts. A classic example of denial in action is the habitual do gooder always out to help someone else yet never willing to look at themselves, their life is lived outwardly where they get to pretend to be better than. None of us get through this life without mis- takes, things we would like to do differently, actions we don’t want to own, compromises we don’t want to admit to. Such is the human experience. So, in my willingness to forgive and to own my shadow I find my own salvation. Forgiveness though has a price we must let go of self-righteousness; for to truly forgive another, we must see our own selves truly. By the way, forgiveness never asks you to be in harm’s way, you can choose not to be in active relationship with someone or something and still forgive.
Andrew Harvey quotes a conversation he had with Father BeBe Griffith in which Father Griffith states “God save us all from Self Righteousness. The Greatest block to being good is truly believing you are.” Isn’t it true? If I am lost in ego and better than I cannot find a path to connect to either my higher power or my fellow man, I am lost pretending to save, such a simple irony. Power without authentic compassion, tenderness for ourselves and each other, discernment and wisdom is like sex without love….it may meet some immediate needs but in the end it just doesn’t fulfill its promise.
I invite each of you to the promise in the dance of gratitude, self-knowing, and forgiveness. Isn’t it time? I invite you into the greatest dance of your life, the one you have with yourself, as all truly authentic great men and women have known and embraced this dance and then willingly and lovingly chosen to show the rest of us the way. Happy Dancing –
Copyright Loreine Smith 2010
